Things My Roommate Says

JE- *Pinches Jarrod* Does that hurt?
J- Yes. Does it hurt when you go to bed alone every night?

*Looking at Ryan’s extremely dented truck
A- Jesus Ryan what did you hit?
R- I hit rock bottom AJ, rock bottom….

*examining gunk in the corner of the dog’s eye
J- Ewwww the dog has eye boogers!
R- Eye boogers? They’re called sleepers cause they’re always in your eyes when you wake up.
J- No, they look like boogers and they’re in your eyes, therefore they are “eye boogers”
R- That’s stupid. That would be like me calling shit “ass urine”