Things My Roommate Says

“Jager, don’t make me get the hose” -RH

“Hoes? What are they gonna do” -JK

“I’m too drunk for good news” -JC

“I hated her enough not to fuck her” -JK

“If you can ride a bike, you can suck a dick” -JK

“The best part about button flies is that they don’t make a sound when you take your parts off, which is good for when you’re about to rape someone” -RH

“Look at that vagina, it looks like a bobsled” -RH

“…what does that even mean?” -JM

“What are there five Jamaicans shoved up there” -AD

“If at first you don’t succeed, sleep with a girl that looks just like her” -TG

“Everyone thinks I’m a whore”

“Yes, but your true friends KNOW your a whore” – RH

“Ryan, there are four naked people in you hot tub and I’m sorry” – AD

Many people believe that emotions are unlimited and depend on the personality of the individual.  Nah.  My theory is that happiness is finite, and we use it up as we grow older.  This explains why things become less fun as you get older and life gets more depressing.  Theoretically, we are born with enough happiness to last us our entire lives but the problem is that we use it up on stupid shit.  Allow me to explain.

When you are born, you have a completely full “happiness pool”.  The first few weeks of a new born baby’s life are scary, so no happiness is used up.  However, after a few months you begin playing with toys.  You throw a ball, it makes a sound, and you laugh.  Rinse, Repeat.  Here happiness is depleting at a rapid rate for a stupid reason.  This is the main reason you become more unhappy as you age, you use up all your happiness and fun as a kid.  This explains why a kid’s imagination is better, cardboard boxes were more fun as a kid, and things were all around better “back in the day”.  So the reason you are 35 years and your marriage is crap is because you spent all that time as a kid having to much fun.